nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so let's talk penis.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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