i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
