nut hugger
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
