And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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