glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
