People with herpes should wear stickers.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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