Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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