I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
