The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
