Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize