this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
