I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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