you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
