Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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