So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
