Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
