I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize