how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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