If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
