Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
