my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
