thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize