She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
