Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
