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Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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