i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
