i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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