So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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