PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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