I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
