Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
