would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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