Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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