love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ladies don't puke and tell
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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