My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize