You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize