You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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