he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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