drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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