foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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