So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
