Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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