we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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