They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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