This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
