so that wasnt chicken after all
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
