this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
