America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
