I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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