Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
