he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
