Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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