im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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