I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
