i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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