Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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