Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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