i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
