we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize