I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
