Do you still have your period?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize