I love black thongs
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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