I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize