did you get engaged???
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
