New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
