We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
