So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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