dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
