Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
