you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
