I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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