Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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